It's much harder than I've thought.

It's not a lot of little things, it's one big thing.

Today, when you hear His voice, don't turn away...

But you did turn away,

and then turned back, and then turned away again, and then turned back,

The cello comes in. You try to make much of yourself, you give yourself a lot of credit and make other people think you're good

Other voices come in, singing the same thing

which is helpful.

...good at anything. Which isn't a lie, but it isn't from the heart, either. Not a lie, but not honest.

The harmony gets confusing

but resolves in a pretty great way.

It's emotional, which is OKAY

I move involuntarily

Listen, You're the best. I keep saying that, involuntarily

But so hard to pin down, so hard to define, so hard to hold onto

impossible, actually, unless I get on. It's like trying to trace a flying horse's path across the sky. I can't, I can't stay with it unless I climb on when He lands. Today, when you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as you have before.

A new groove now, but it started earlier

(I can't pinpoint the time, I just know it's been going for a while...)

I can't pinpoint the time, okay?

It goes too fast for me if I'm trying to understand it all

But what if I put trust in it? Let myself move with the music and open my ears to hear as much as I can? Put on my headphones all the way, not worry about the basketball game

or the time. For now, there is no tomorrow. For now, there's no need for a past or a future

Don't be anxious, He says.

My burden is easy and light, He says.

Well it doesn't feel like it sometimes, I say.

Sometimes, I say, it feels like You're running away, like You're leaving me here all alone. But I know it's me, I know it's me running away and being inadequate. But I am inadequate! Don't You know that? Don't you know I can't handle things on my own?! Wouldn't You intervene, wouldn't you do something?

What do You look like? Do You really love me? I am really forgiven? It's difficult for me to know.

Is there really no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus? What about that footnote in my Bible that says "who walk according to the Spirit not the flesh"? What about those of us who walk according to the flesh? What about those of us who are dying in our sins, still, after we are rescued? Has it been a whole week of this? Am I really alive?

The music is off, that's how I'm so stuck.

I submitted, but I knew my heart was having a tough time with it. I knew it wasn't true submission. Earlier, when You told me to find people, I found isolation. I ran away.

So I'll say "I submit" again. It's so difficult. But it's not

not really

Your burden is easy and your yoke is light